A kid one

Posted on August 13, 2008. Filed under: Family, Funny | Tags: , , , , |

It’s about 9:30am and I’m already kind of sick of David.

That is NEVER a good sign at 9:30am.

I love my kid–I really really do. He is so sweet, he smells like almond soap and he gives the best hugs and kisses EVER.

I also suspect that he may just be the antiChrist.

I’m used to the messes…that’s what kids do. They play. Which means that they destroy things.

But this…the level of pre-mediatated destruction has reached unprescedented levels!!

I won’t even go into yesterday. Ye GOD. This morning, however, was a brief snippet of what yesterday was like.

Within the first 60 seconds of being awake, David had:

1. Ripped his curtains from the wall.

(Curtains, I might add, I spent 20 minutes yesterday putting up. Oh yes.)

2. Hurled his bowl of (fresh, organic, local bought just for him) blueberries all over the floor.

(This being the child who will snort down an ENTIRE pint of the suckers and leave mommy with the WORST poopy diaper in the HISTORY of the world. …Well, except for that one time he ate a whole bunch of potting soil. That one really was the worst.)

3. Upended his bucket of cranyons and markers over the floor.

4. Screamed hysterically.

5. Ran and jumped on top of John.


The productivity just astounds me. I’m standing there, watching him do this (all before the 1st cup of coffee, I might add) and my brain just couldn’t comprehend having that much energy and MOTIVATION during the FIRST 60 SECONDS of being awake.

There really are days when I wish I could send David off to day care…or like the gypsies or something. David would have fun with the gypsies.

Something tells me that John wouldn’t have minded either.

I mean, the staggering reality of how different being a parent makes your life puts this Grand Canyon sized gap of understanding between the the childless and the parents. Everytime I try to describe it, I sound whiney and sad. (like David when I tell him “no, you can’t just eat the icing!”)

There’s other, magical, lovely parts (tight, baby arms around your neck…the gorgeous curly hair…the 30 seconds a day of feeling as though he’s the most beautiful creature in the world…), but you can’t talk about those with out sound like a diaper commercial.

I guess until you have a kid–happily or kicking and screaming–you’ll never really, truly get it.

Though, I hear it’s alot like adopting a puppy.


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