So I was in this wedding

Posted on August 28, 2008. Filed under: General Musings, Relationships | Tags: , , , |

(I wrote this blog while I was on vacation a few months ago… Bliss…)

So yes. I must keep this blog short, given that, *technically* I am on vacation (with a capitol V) right now.

But I just have rant/process/explain/vent/discuss the wedding I was just in.

First off–any regrets I had about eloping are 99.99999999999999% gone.

There were several lovely, beautiful moments at my friend’s wedding that I do regret not experiencing.

The dress, definitely.

Having all of my friends around me.

The champagne toasts.

But that’s it.

Becky–your wedding was lovely and gorgeous and I am so unbelievably happy for you.

But you couldn’t *pay* me to go through that again. And I wasn’t even the bride!

The dress was stupendously hot. I thought John was going to toss me over his shoulder and have his way out with me out in the bushes. Which, while the theory is very sexy, the dress was so uncomfortable that it probably wouldn’t have been much fun. 

Plus, it was raining.

Anyways. I know that I have been growing and changing as a person and that my belief systems has overgone a radical overhaul. I know that.

I just didn’t know how much until I has this electrifying, crystal clear vision of beating a pine tree with my bouquet during the wedding ceremony.

And, granted–I do have a lot of personal issues around the whole “Submission/Purity” aspect because my mother was beat over the head with the “submit woman!” for many, many long, torturous years. So that might have explained my viseral urge towards violence in the middle of the ceremony.

But my issues aside—how can anyone sit through a traditional Christian ceremony and not see the inequality there?

The husband is the head of the household?

The husband is responsible for presenting the bride “pure and blameless” to God?

The woman is created to help man?

The wife must sumbit to and respect her husband in order for him to help her to grow spiritually?

In my very personal opinion, these types of beliefs belittle, degrade and disempower women. Added to the very real Christian trends of “A woman’s highest spiritual calling is to be a wife and mother” and you create a damaging parody of true womanhood and femininity. 

And, I’m sorry, but that whole bit about women finding their power in their submission to God and their husbands/fathers is ridiculous; it is cruel, demeaning and unfair. 

You get one man with a hint of a control issue and it all goes straight hell.

I believe that men and women are equal in all way…and I don’t see how that belief and the traditional beliefs taught about women’s roles in the Christian church are in any way compatable. 

John has been teasing me all day about how I was created to help him and how I have to respect him (preferably on two knees) and such.

I kind of feel like smacking him–but only a little. He is such a lovely, incredible, strong man and, thankfully, has always found these (ridiculous! Yes, I went there!) ideas as silly and backwards and repressive and wrong as I do now.

To give the pastor some credit, I did find the parts about sacrificial love and putting your partners needs before your own to be very humbling. And inspiring. I love John so much…the ceremony made me think a lot about how I can better show my love to him.

On both feet, standing by his side, that is.


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