One of those communication posts

Posted on September 11, 2008. Filed under: Family, Personal, Relationships | Tags: , , |

John and I have been working out boundaries over the past few months.

I mean–obviously. Two whole human beings being in a relationship is kind of a recipe for conflict.

Anyways—I hate to sound all ooey and gooey (especially because I wanted to throttle him yesterday. And throw things. Or at the very least yell. A lot.)  but he’s pretty awesome.

No seriously.

I’ve never really been able to set very healthy boundaries. By the time the idea occurred to me that…Oh, what? I don’t have to let people treat me however they want too?…I was pretty far gone down the path of niceness, I guess, and I had a lot of rage and resentment built up, so a lot of the first boundaries I set involved….heat. Yelling. Abruptness. (“Hi, mom, I’m engaged. What’s that? Yes, yes, I know that you didn’t know I was dating this guy… Hmm…courtship? yeah, I kind of decided to not do that. What? I sent out a memo.)

Anyways.

I set a boundary…not so much with John at first, but more with myself. I choose to not be treated in this way. End of discussion. That’s the boundary. And it felt really good to remind myself that…I deserve to be treated fairly and to be in a healthy relationship.

Then I told John…and we had a good conversation about it. (Thank you Jesus for communication training and couples therapy) John, being the wise man that he is, immediately saw that light and realized, that of course, I was right and…..haha…

John recently set a huge boundary our relationship and, honestly, I’ve kind of resented it. (What? I don’t get everything I want and be in this relationship? What’s this sacrifice, compromise, love thing?) But then, I realized that, even though we were supposedly down with the whole healthy boundary thing–I didn’t feel like I could set a boundary with him. I don’t know why it took so long to click, to realize that oh…boundaries are a two way street. They have to be…to be healthy.

So yes, I’m very proud of us–hurray for loving, healthy relationships.

(And for make up sex.)

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