My friend was bear maced and I accidentally flashed a client

Posted on September 17, 2008. Filed under: Dialogue, Funny, Work | Tags: , , , , , |

Freaking Tuesdays.   

One of my clients called me “earnest” today.  

I can’t decide if that was a compliment or a subtle put down.

I’m going with subtle put down.

There was a miscommunication this afternoon and I thought that my 2pm client had no-showed.

This really upset me off because a) I was there b) I wanted the hours and c) I was in the freaking groove and ready to clean. You know when you’re headed to work and, you know, you’re not entirely looking forward to going into work, but you know once you get started, it really won’t be that bad–you just have to get started. So yes. I was over the hard part of getting ready for work and wanted to keep on making money.

So, I’m on my way home trying to make myself feel better.

Missy, it’s ok. You get to go home and get your stinky self in the shower and hang out with John and David… You can chill out and watch tv, read a book–whatever you want to do! And, you’ll have plenty of time to dress up for that meeting tonight. You can put on make up and wear nice clothes…It’ll be GREAT!

Huh, I thought. That’s right… Hey–Watch me flow with change and life’s minor irriations!

“I am a leaf on the wind…watch how I soar.” –Serenity

I decided to share my newly found Zen state with John and texted him the Serenity quote right as my phone rang.

Amanda: Hey, Missy, it’s me, I’m sorry–I forgot to tell you that the key for _____’s is under the mat.

Me: Seriously? Are you shitting me?

Amanda: Ah, no.

Me: I am going south on Lavaca, I just hit 12th street and classes at UT start in twenty minutes. Are you serious?

Amanda: Missy, I am so sorry I forgot to tell you about the key.

Me: *grits teeth* I am a fucking leaf on the fucking wind.

Amanda: *slight pause* Is that one of your obscure pop culture references?

Me: *closes eyes* Yes. No. Kind of. Not really. Sorry.

Amanda: I’ll come help. Want me to bring you an iced latte?


Everything was fine… I just had to center myself before the clean. This house was simply amazing though. Not only was it perfect in every way shape and form–there was an iPod stereo hook up.

(Although, I did realize half through that clean that one of the back pockets on my jeans had almost fallen off.)

Amanda: Thank god you’re wearing underwear!

Me: No wonder that guy at the last house couldn’t look me in eye!

So I ended up going to my meeting with my half of my butt hanging out and smelling like sweat and vinegar.



Cleaning a cool house by yourself with great music is actually pretty fun.

So I’m in the middle of the clean when Joy calls me.

Her voice sounds really hoarse, and I was suprised she was calling because Tuesday is one of her work days.

Joy: Dude, you will not believe the day I had.

Me: *getting ready to launch into my sob story* Try me.

Joy: Some fucking bear mace exploded in my face while I was at work.

Me: Um.

Joy: BEAR MACE, Missy. It’s like, REALLY strong. And it exploded. In my face.

Me: Um.

Joy: I was the front desk and the office was full of clients and animals and I noticed the bear mace we keep on the back counter was leaking and making my eyes burn and so I had to run the bottle through the whole back part of the office to the emergency exit and then it exploded in my face.

Me: Um. 

 Joy: And then I had to let some cute paramedics rinse my eyes out with a garden hose.

Me: Oh no!

Joy: So they took me home and I feel horrible and I’m going to ask for a full day’s pay.

Me: Um…

Joy: Want to grab some coffee?


So the moral of that story?

Coffee makes everything better.


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