What I would do if I was attacked by zombies while on a walk with my kid

Posted on September 29, 2008. Filed under: Family, Funny, General Musings | Tags: , , |

So, I have officially figured out all potential escape routes should David and I ever be attacked by zombies while walking around the Palmer Center–which is connected to our second favorite park–and rated them in order of 1-4 from best chance of survival to least chance of survival if I wasn’t able to make it back to my apartment. With it’s distinct lack of windows and location on the second floor with the only access being two narrow, rickety/dangerous stairwells–I think we would be safe. Unless the zombies were the super fast, strong, leaping kind, because the second story isn’t that high off the ground. Con: we usually don’t have much food in our house and Mr. Fish would only go so far.
 

Although, as David and I were walking home and passing the Austin Energy building, I decided that if I wasn’t able to make it home to my apartment, that secretly procuring a key to the AE building would probably be the best idea because:

– Super secure, with reinforced windows and the occasional security guard to get eaten instead of me and little D.

-Bathrooms and running water.

-Plenty of food—because no one eats like city employees.

Anyways, the Palmer Center escape routes.

1. The best option would be this one wall closer to Riverside that is made out of sectioned windows and climbs higher than the roof. It would be really hard, and I might need a dog to throw at the zombies to distract them while David and I carefully climbed to safety—but I think it could be done.

Cons: I’m not very fit and that would be a difficult climb, even without David. (I think that if he wraps his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist–monkey style–on the front of my body, I could do it) Also, falling is a concern. Oh, and no food or water. Hmm. Maybe this isn’t all that good of an option…

2. The front the building with the cool/out of place/boob like sea anemone sculptures sticking out of the walls and the jutting sign. I could easily climb on the sculptures to the top of the wall, but then I would risk falling. So, I think the best option would be to climb high enough to climb onto the big sign above the front doors, even though it isn’t too high.

Cons: I would hate for a zombie to bite a toe off, the zombies might be able to climb on weird wall sculptures too.

3. The least safe option I’ve decided, would be the parking garage. The fact that most of my worst zombie dreams happen in parking garages (damn you Dawn of the Dead…to this day I get nervous in parking garages)-I think the Palmer/Long Center p.g might be an option if:

a) All the doors locked from the inside

b) I was able to close all of the doors in the massive garage, or had other terrified joggers and dog walkers to help me 

c) we could get the heavy metal flex doors down over both entrances.

d) the zombies couldn’t jump up to the open 2nd and 3rd stories. Drat the need for ventilation

Cons: Even if we were able to stay safe, I don’t know if we would be able to access the Palmer center and might have to live off of vending machine fare and bugs.

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