So I flashed the security guard yesterday

Posted on December 25, 2008. Filed under: Dialogue, Family, Funny, Personal | Tags: , , , |

-on accident of course.

Some people’s minds.

At the airport security check point, (otherwise known as the bermuda triangle of travelers hell) the young guy manning the walk through security thing was being a total douche bag.

He was completely drunk on his pseudo security power position. He was all big, and bulky and you could tell he was either ex military or had marine aspirations. While we crawled through the security line I watched him yell, and bark and snap at every person who walked through his station.

“SIR.” he snapped at John as we skirted around the wheelchair someone had parked right in the middle of the walk way. “Put the child DOWN.” Then he’s all guestering, “Ok, NOW, WALK THROUGH SLOWLY.”

At this point, David hurls himself on the ground and starts kicking and screaming, right next to the elderly lady in the wheel chair.

I start seeing yellow–which is one of the colors I see when I’m stressed.

Anyways, so I bend down and scoop up David and try to walk through security thing. When I set off the alarm with all of my cute new jewelry, instead of yelling at me like he had at all of the previous people who made the alarm beep–the douchey security guard just gave me a plastic tub and very politely asked me to remove my belt and necklace.

As John and I were walking to our gate I said, “Wow, that security guard was being such an ass. I was really nervous when I set the alarm off. I thought he was going to scream at me too.”  Thinking of how I woke up a half hour earlier to do my hair and make up, I added,”Wow, it really paid off that I look so hot today.”

John starts laughing and hooks a finger around the loose neck of my sweater. I glance down and lo and behold, there is my belly button.

“Oh.” I said.

Of course it wasn’t the make up.

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