Family

Why we have the lamest wireless network name ever*

Posted on February 1, 2009. Filed under: Dialogue, Family, Funny, Home, Personal | Tags: , , , |

So this morning we were discussing what to name our wireless network.

Our neighbors have a variety of funny and clever network names and considering that—without a doubt—John and I are cooler than any of our neighbors, I decided that 2WIRE982 just didn’t compare to “Welcome to the Jungle”, “Red Baron is a Pop Star” and, of course, “Mr. Garrison’s House of Cock.”

If I die before finding out who is “Mr. Garrison’s House of Cock”, I will die unfulfilled and extremely sad.**

I mean, seriously—every once in a while I have to fight down the urge to ask the people in my building “Are you Mr. Garrison?”

But that would be extremely creepy of me.

Anyways—this is a rough transcription of my conversation with John and our friends, Jeff and Lindsay.

(Narrators note: Michael is one of the neighbors next door of “take a bath with me” fame and the crazy knocking scheme. Michael and his wife occasionally pretend that people are harassing them and leave themselves threatening notes and knock loudly on their front door at 5am. Which, since we share a wall, sounds like someone is pounding on our front door at 5am. Fun times.

Anyways, what I found to be a hilarious dialogue follows.

(more…)

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Being a mother feels like the most unappreciated job in the world sometimes

Posted on January 21, 2009. Filed under: Family, Funny | Tags: , , , , , |

So. THIS JUST IN.

DAVID LOVES POOPY AND PEE-PEE.

Oh yes. It wasn’t enough that he loves “Christmas” and “Gracie” (my in law’s dog)—BUT NOW HE LOVES POOPY AND PEE-PEE.

I was changing his diaper and he was just all, sing song-y… “I love poopy, I love pee-pee, poopy, pee-pee!”

I’m glad my child is displaying signs of having a healthy body image, but where is the love for mommy? Where is the ‘I love you mommy!’? (more…)

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I'm making yogurt

Posted on January 8, 2009. Filed under: Family, Food, Home, Personal | Tags: , , , , , |

…and drinking a bloody mary.

I’m feeling extremely torn between having a second one or perhaps doing some school this evening.

Haha. Yeah, I think we all know what I’ll choose.

(Another haha–be warned, very random.) You know what? I’m too depressed to pay my student loans. I should get a bail out…. Blah Blah.

Anyways. So the vegetarianism didn’t really fly in Phoenix. There was a spectacular crash landing involving the Christmas ham. (mmmmmmm…..)

So I’m trying, now that I’m back, to be an ALMOST vegetarian. It has to count for something! Cutting back my meat intake to once or twice a month has to make a pretty large impact on my carbon out put.

Like I said. I’m making yogurt (yes for reals) and getting ready to pour myself another bloody mary (Titos vodka is yummy. Leave it to Texas to have the best local beef and booze) and do some mass cooking (I just cleaned the kitchen, SO OF COURSE I have to mess it up again) and get bat shit crazy and maybe unpack our 18 million bags. (more…)

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I’m making yogurt

Posted on January 8, 2009. Filed under: Family, Food, Home, Personal | Tags: , , , , , |

…and drinking a bloody mary.

I’m feeling extremely torn between having a second one or perhaps doing some school this evening.

Haha. Yeah, I think we all know what I’ll choose.

(Another haha–be warned, very random.) You know what? I’m too depressed to pay my student loans. I should get a bail out…. Blah Blah.

Anyways. So the vegetarianism didn’t really fly in Phoenix. There was a spectacular crash landing involving the Christmas ham. (mmmmmmm…..)

So I’m trying, now that I’m back, to be an ALMOST vegetarian. It has to count for something! Cutting back my meat intake to once or twice a month has to make a pretty large impact on my carbon out put.

Like I said. I’m making yogurt (yes for reals) and getting ready to pour myself another bloody mary (Titos vodka is yummy. Leave it to Texas to have the best local beef and booze) and do some mass cooking (I just cleaned the kitchen, SO OF COURSE I have to mess it up again) and get bat shit crazy and maybe unpack our 18 million bags. (more…)

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So I flashed the security guard yesterday

Posted on December 25, 2008. Filed under: Dialogue, Family, Funny, Personal | Tags: , , , |

-on accident of course.

Some people’s minds.

At the airport security check point, (otherwise known as the bermuda triangle of travelers hell) the young guy manning the walk through security thing was being a total douche bag. (more…)

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Pet sitting/boundaries/stress/self care/flirting

Posted on December 22, 2008. Filed under: Family, Home, Personal, Pets | Tags: , , , , , |

(Translation: HOLY SHIT)

(Jo, if this happens to be the ONE blog of mine you read—I LOVE YOU. 🙂

So apparently, my lesson this month is about having a realistic view of myself and my abilities.

And. so we’re learning what happens when I don’t have a clear grasp on reality and the word ‘yes’ comes out of my mouth far to often.

“Why, sure I can work extra cleaning hours this week while I’m training someone new and doing everything else that my job entails.”

“Why, sure I can do dishes at church tomorrow… I mean, I haven’t been to church in a month and it’s a 20 minute drive and the childcare closes before I’m done and I have a  three year old and Sunday’s are the only days I have completely off with John and I have  a paper due tomorrow and I’m leaving for The Place of Despair on Tuesday and….. and…….”

Things really aren’t too bad. I’ve been getting a lot better about setting good boundaries and protecting my emotional and mental health. (And, I refuse to feel guilty about it! You hear that? I REFUSE! Our society has such an unrealistic view about how much women are supposed to be able to accomplish. I mean, I am  supposed to be able to: Work a full time job, go to school full time, cook, clean, do other householdy stuff AND have a three year old while my partner works HIS full time job. Which is just crazy. And impossible. ….and anyone who looks at my bathroom can completely confirm this. Anyways.) (more…)

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A list

Posted on October 25, 2008. Filed under: Family, Personal | Tags: , , , , , , |

A List:

1. Something I am very proud of is not having sex with my first “real” boyfriend. (Sorry, Z, “special friends” doesn’t count….) Despite his, ah, “asking”. And by “asking” I mean “begging”. Which, considering how well he did other stuff (“Are you close?” “Close to what?”), is definitely a good thing. Lord. We probably wouldn’t have used condoms and, I have to say, I’m so glad I waited to have my teenage baby with John. Although, it would have served my parents right if my first boyfriend (he was a tattooed, pierced musician. Yes, I know, so cliche.) had gotten me pregnant.

But, still, like I said, I’m really proud I said no, because would have been a horrible decision on many levels. But, I was “in love” and thought he was really hot. (more…)

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Day without coffee #7

Posted on October 23, 2008. Filed under: Family, Funny, General Musings, Personal | Tags: , |

Had coffee yesterday. Just a few tiny, freaking sips!

Went to doctor.

Yup, UTI is back.

So, I suppose I will endure my sex-less, sugar-less, coffee-less and alcohol-less existence stoically. This apparently is my penance.

As that cranberry juice! I mean, seriously—$8 for a pure cranberry juice? And, it tastes…like a more pure version of what I imagine motor oil would taste like. Except really tart.

Although, watching David sneak a sip when he thought I wasn’t watching almost made this whole thing worth it.

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What I would do if I was attacked by zombies while on a walk with my kid

Posted on September 29, 2008. Filed under: Family, Funny, General Musings | Tags: , , |

So, I have officially figured out all potential escape routes should David and I ever be attacked by zombies while walking around the Palmer Center–which is connected to our second favorite park–and rated them in order of 1-4 from best chance of survival to least chance of survival if I wasn’t able to make it back to my apartment. With it’s distinct lack of windows and location on the second floor with the only access being two narrow, rickety/dangerous stairwells–I think we would be safe. Unless the zombies were the super fast, strong, leaping kind, because the second story isn’t that high off the ground. Con: we usually don’t have much food in our house and Mr. Fish would only go so far. (more…)
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One of those communication posts

Posted on September 11, 2008. Filed under: Family, Personal, Relationships | Tags: , , |

John and I have been working out boundaries over the past few months.

I mean–obviously. Two whole human beings being in a relationship is kind of a recipe for conflict.

Anyways—I hate to sound all ooey and gooey (especially because I wanted to throttle him yesterday. And throw things. Or at the very least yell. A lot.)  but he’s pretty awesome.

No seriously.

I’ve never really been able to set very healthy boundaries. By the time the idea occurred to me that…Oh, what? I don’t have to let people treat me however they want too?…I was pretty far gone down the path of niceness, I guess, and I had a lot of rage and resentment built up, so a lot of the first boundaries I set involved….heat. Yelling. Abruptness. (“Hi, mom, I’m engaged. What’s that? Yes, yes, I know that you didn’t know I was dating this guy… Hmm…courtship? yeah, I kind of decided to not do that. What? I sent out a memo.) (more…)

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