General Musings

I adore this person….

Posted on May 5, 2009. Filed under: General Musings |

…and her blog. Her creative spirit and expression blow me away. We are walking different paths now–but I would not be nearly as sane, whole, or able to love without having had her influence in my life. Love you Luz.

Anyways. A gift to you all! Definitely scroll down to the “Neeeeeed Coffee” post. Hehe.

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Ug…

Posted on April 19, 2009. Filed under: General Musings |

I just looked at my list of favorite authors on Myspace and….it makes me look like I have the literary tastes of a 16 year old girl. :-/

The emoticon probably didn’t just help matters.

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SO MANY FACEBOOK CAPTIONS

Posted on April 17, 2009. Filed under: General Musings | Tags: , , , , , |

*sigh* It’s like a DISEASE. Or an addiction. I DON’T WANT IT TO STOP.

1. …loves Iron and Wine. So peaceful here at Irie Bean.

2. …has three cell phones in her purse. She thinks this might be a sign that she needs to re-think her life.

3. …now has three laptops circling around her. Like vultures. Wanting to suck the life essence from her bones. 

4. wants to know why the hell the A/C is on at Irie when it’s cool and pouring rain outside. 

5. is very happy her mom is here! *dances* And not just because her mom insists on cooking, cleaning, babysitting/playing with David because, despite this being her vacation, she doesn’t know how sit still. 

6. is worried about there being a death curse on Purple Fig. Bill’s out with a hernia, Amanda wiped out on the scooter….and now there is a dangerous thunderstorm raging out side. HMMM. Is she NEXT?

….ok, ok. I will go back to work. It all worked out with my morning client schedule mishap, so I might as well take advantage of this unexpected opportunity to not work this weekend. 

Oh, on a side note, I did end up getting some tequila the other night. Ha! Toddler birthday parties are AWESOME. 

What’s even better? Doing shots with said toddler’s grandpa. How cool is that?

(I realize that I sound like a horrifying, awful parent right now—but if you think about it, who else in the world needs a fortifying dose of Don Edurado than the mothers of tiny, ravaging monsters?)

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So help me god I will have a good time tonight!

Posted on April 16, 2009. Filed under: General Musings |

1. intense therapy session.
2. J freaking out because I did not want to talk about intense therapy session.
3. exhausted, hungry, but cleaned to get over intense therapy session.
4. Pizza baking, blood sugar low, find out that a) I have to handle paying/filing all of our taxes last minute (because normally John handles the taxes) b) that we owe for the first time ever c) my full time employee might have a hernia.
5. David simultaneously melts down.

I suppose, on paper, this doesn’t look like that much, but I kind of wanted to shoot something in the moment.

Anyways–tonight is Milo’s 2nd birthday and I am going to have a good time. Our taxes are filed, I am dropping off a check for a partial payment in the mail, we will work out a payment plan and well, if Bill does have a hernia, the schedule isn’t crazy full right now, so that will be survivable.

Shitty, unbelievably shitty (for both parties), but doable on my end anyways.

*whew*

I’m trying this thing where I don’t whine and bitch as much to the people in my life, so that leaves you, anonymous reading public. And, you know, I know Joy wouldn’t mind if vented–but it’s her kid’s birthday…and I mean, perspective wise—I have a good job, we will be able to pay off these taxes….and yeah. Things are good.

Ok. Deep breathe. Toddler party time….

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Dolling up + poem

Posted on April 15, 2009. Filed under: General Musings |

Today was one of those Tao days….sometimes it is lovely to exist.

Going to go take a bath and shave and do my hair and put on a little make up and a cute dress and heels and go out tonight!

I have a…suspicion that L might cancel on me…but since we’re meeting at Ruta, I know I will have a good time either way.

Bought my first frappicino in, God, almost three years. I had a panicky moment this morning and I was texting Jo various versions of “talk me off the ledge…I’m about to make a really dumb decision” and “dumb decision avoided—want tequila.”

She suggested chocolate instead, so, I mean, what’s a girl to do?

Mmmmm…..

Anyways, David is napping, I’m done with work, the JC’s are on their way to go pick up our “new” couch and chair—which, btw, I am thrilled about!! *dances*

Second living room coming together so well! Divine provides.

There are sunflowers on my kitchen table, I’m drinking tea from my nice china and I have plans to make cheesy/bacony/cauliflower rather soon.

Tomorrow is my day to write….and I feel so blessed.

Oh–it was kind of interesting today. I was cleaning this afternoon and there was breast self exam card in the woman’s shower and I was thinking, “hmm, do I need to get one of those? Nah… I’m really healthy and still pretty young…”

And then I kind of went off on this internal tangent, of what if I suddenly discovered that I had terminal breast cancer….what would I do?

The only things that I found clarity on were:

1. Grow a garden
2. Spend ALOT of time with David.
3. Put my last bit of energy and effort into kick starting and creating a plan for Taos. (Long story.)
4. Be alone alot.

Kind of, you know, Lifetimey cliche—live your life as if you knew you were dying….but I really couldn’t think of too much else that I would change in my life. Other than the list, I would want to visit my family, definitely spend a month in Hawaii with Christy and John and I would go dancing at least once a week.

But I mean–those are things that I’m doing/planning on doing anyways. Although…. I do need to/want to start including more spirit in my life. Haven’t been going to church, need to down load Jim’s sermons…start mediating/magicking again.

Anyways, ok, monster is up. Hope you all are fabulous…I’m going to ply my child with juice and cheese and go take a gorgeous hot shower…. Mmmm….

Prayer

Clear the mud from my mind
let clarity run through me like water down a stream…around the river stone blocks
from my unconscious mind
or fate deciding lessons and
personal self sabotage
Wash away the fear, the anxiety
Let me breathe
Let me live
Let me love
Let me…
savor the gifts laying around my home
under my nose and
in the corners of my eyes

Let me

be

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MEN ARE SO CONFUSING and another poem

Posted on April 13, 2009. Filed under: General Musings |

I swear to god.

What? What do I swear?

Nothing. I have NOTHING.

I am so goddamn irritated with every single man in my life right now. (Except for CJ. CJ is the shit…..we’ve bonded over the mac n’ cheese. In fact, as soon as I am done with this blog, I am going to go pop some popcorn, smother it in tobasco sauce and finish watching a violent samuri movie with CJ–the only sane one of you motherfuckers out there.)(Leon you’re cool too—thanks for the text this morning….you are HILARIOUS.)

It’s not just that most of the guys in my life seem to be hiding ovaries where their testicles used to be–it’s also that I am so fucking tired of being confused ALL OF THE TIME. This doesn’t happen with the women in my life (knock on wood.) It’s not that we communicate better….most of the men in my life are superb communicators–it’s just that my girl friends don’t confuse me or piss me off on a semi-regular basis.

God, I am just so tired of not knowing….anything it feels like.

I seem to recall–and maybe this is just some memory trick–a time when things were clear. There was clarity, there was direction—THINGS MADE SENSE.

And now, nothing is making sesne.

I feel like I’m living half hung over with a headeache while blinded by the sun and all I can hear is the throbbing of my own pulse.

I just stand around, with my mouth shut (or at least after the fact)—trying to figure out who said what, and what I said, and what they meant and I don’t know what to do–or what the appropriate, correct repsonse is or how to feel or what to say—NOTHING.

I have nothing.

Execpt for some spicy popcorn.

(You know what will probably happen? This rant will most likely be dismissed as HORMONALLY INDUCED, aw, isn’t Missy kind of cutely annoying when she’s PMSing.)

And now for something—–completely different. (still very rough….editing has been beyond me at this point of the game…)

Date Night

How does one plan those perfect moments

I suppose, even just writing those words, it seems

To be a foolish, impossible goal

The intangible, desirable

The moments when we look into each others eyes and the warm love we have in our hearts for each other just….

Oh so sweetly, effortlessly travels the paths up the chest and through the arms, throat and neck and pours into sweet touches and soul searing looks

How plan for those moments? Because these are why we put up with the shit that goes with the whole long term relationship thing.

The kid

The taxes

The dishes

The grocery shopping and menu planning

Negotiating the mind numbing minutiae

Of how clean the dishes in the sink need to be

Before you load the dishwasher

Add condoms to the shopping list

Right next to pinto beans and diapers

Romance becomes elusive

The planned date that surpassed the odds

To go to the forgotten place of connection and chemistry

Flirting and footies,

He orders her a third glass of wine with a look of promise on his face

Before the moment is, of course, shattered by the

Minutea of a baby sitter with out diapers

And a beloved toddler finger painting the walls of

The brand new rental with his own shit

At worse, the planned moments…the moments when the connections

Are even possible

Between two full times jobs

A kid, school, chores, friends, justwantingtimeawayfrom the goddamn house

Loving intentions

Fade towards expectations of

Connection and renewed passion

And possibly even some decent sex

and explode into bitter resentment

of needs not met, of touches not holding the

weight of desire

or looks empty of promise

just a vacant gaze

focused on the

daily grind of diapers and pinto beans

and who’s mopping the kitchen floor

and folding the laundry

what to cook for dinner

and who’s paying the phone bill this month

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“We have to stop incentiving evil!”

Posted on April 8, 2009. Filed under: General Musings | Tags: |

–Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Oh my god.

I had a full, sweet, delicious, beautiful, sacred, sparkly, AMAZING nights sleep last night.

Bliss.

And I just had a cup of coffee with Paul, the ad guy from Rare.

Life is freaking good…..

And–I took a hot shower last night! With the lights on! AND–it didn’t sound like a cat was being tortured!

Ah, modern marvels… God, I really really really feel bad for the poor soul who gets suckered into taking my old apartment. I mean, seriously, the tub hadn’t drained for a year and when you turn the shower on—it seriously sounds like some kind of medieval torture chamber.  Oh,  AND–you have to precisely set the cold/hot water knobs if you wanted even a CHANCE of getting moderately comfortable water. Add to that how the light circuit was out in the bathroom and you have the perfect stage for a zany comedy. Which is cool, unless you’re trying to have a real life.

I can’t even begin to describe how lovely it was last night… Ah.

And, I mean, I was taking the cold showers (unlike other people I was living with-Wimps!) but I never felt clean. And my hair was all whacked out from the cold water… Arg!

Now, with internet on Thursday and my room mostly unpacked….life might actually be close to returning to normal.

But better.

Why? you might be asking.

I will tell you why. My last two CLEPs are scheduled and as of May 6th, 2009 I WILL BE DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER.

(Not done learning, mind you–just with school. College isn’t about learning per se…it’s more about a very expensive piece of paper. I am going to learn spanish this year and take some history and art classes and read books…. So lovely!)

I mean….wow, there aren’t even words! There aren’t! The sheer relief and joy this brings me is, at the moment, inexpressible!

Anyways–I am supposed to be working… I want to be working, but the lure of the internet is much too great…

I will be back to my usual (and hopefully some unusal) antics on or around Thursday.

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"We have to stop incentiving evil!"

Posted on April 8, 2009. Filed under: General Musings | Tags: |

–Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Oh my god.

I had a full, sweet, delicious, beautiful, sacred, sparkly, AMAZING nights sleep last night.

Bliss.

And I just had a cup of coffee with Paul, the ad guy from Rare.

Life is freaking good…..

And–I took a hot shower last night! With the lights on! AND–it didn’t sound like a cat was being tortured!

Ah, modern marvels… God, I really really really feel bad for the poor soul who gets suckered into taking my old apartment. I mean, seriously, the tub hadn’t drained for a year and when you turn the shower on—it seriously sounds like some kind of medieval torture chamber.  Oh,  AND–you have to precisely set the cold/hot water knobs if you wanted even a CHANCE of getting moderately comfortable water. Add to that how the light circuit was out in the bathroom and you have the perfect stage for a zany comedy. Which is cool, unless you’re trying to have a real life.

I can’t even begin to describe how lovely it was last night… Ah.

And, I mean, I was taking the cold showers (unlike other people I was living with-Wimps!) but I never felt clean. And my hair was all whacked out from the cold water… Arg!

Now, with internet on Thursday and my room mostly unpacked….life might actually be close to returning to normal.

But better.

Why? you might be asking.

I will tell you why. My last two CLEPs are scheduled and as of May 6th, 2009 I WILL BE DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER.

(Not done learning, mind you–just with school. College isn’t about learning per se…it’s more about a very expensive piece of paper. I am going to learn spanish this year and take some history and art classes and read books…. So lovely!)

I mean….wow, there aren’t even words! There aren’t! The sheer relief and joy this brings me is, at the moment, inexpressible!

Anyways–I am supposed to be working… I want to be working, but the lure of the internet is much too great…

I will be back to my usual (and hopefully some unusal) antics on or around Thursday.

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Who honks at people walking on the sidewalk?

Posted on March 7, 2009. Filed under: General Musings | Tags: , , , , |

I was planing a super indignant post….until I saw the tank top I was wearing while I was walking down said street.

I met up with Jo and Lindsay, and Lindsay had a sack of clothes for me (who needs to buy new???) and so I, of course, had to put on the cutest halter top in the bag….and now that I’m home, I realize that the top is indeed cut down to my zyphoid process—but what the hell? I had a stroller and pants that fit me about as well as a sack of flour (although, I actually tried to wear a sack of flour one time for a futuristic costume party, assuming that the future was Armageddon like–and sack of flour did not cover hips, so bad example)—and all of these assholes are still all like, honking and “hey hot ladies” and such.

I mean,WTF? WHO DOES THAT?

So yes, normally I just ignore such ridiculous, juvenile, hostile and potentially dangerous behavior because I assume, that like dogs and toddlers, these people just want attention.

But I was in a bad mood to begin with and had consumed a couple (seriously! Two!) happy hour margaritas….and was just flipping out…literally. The second time I flipped off a car driving past and screamed “Fuck you!” at them, Johanna was like, “Dude–wow, you’re pissed!” And I had to concur. Assholes.

Anyways, yes.

(So what does it say that I feel like I sort of…deserved the sexual objectification because I was wearing a shirt that accentuated my breasts?)

(I hate America sometimes. I hate that we live in a society that is ok with breasts being bared for sex and movies and marketing BUT NOT FOR FEEDING BABIES.)

I don’t why I keep on being surprised we live in a femine hating, mysoginistic society. I suppose I surround myself with people who actually care about treating other human beings with respect…that it comes as such a shock sometimes.

Cheers to all of the men in my life who don’t treat women like sides of meat. May you inspire others.

I am going to go put my soon to be woman respecting son to bed…and have a beer. Happy Friday!

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"God hates tiny, fuzzy kittens."

Posted on March 4, 2009. Filed under: General Musings | Tags: , |

People who read my blog, (and who are you, btw? I know of two people who read it regularly and I’m really rather curious.) I have a gift for you. A beautiful, lovely, amazing fabulous gift….a gift that will keep on giving, and giving and giving and giving.

I really just think I died and went to heaven.

If I knew who that guy was in the picture–I WOULD KISS HIM.

Well, maybe not. *gross* But still. My heart overflows with  mirth and joy and more mirth…. I mean, the whole visual arts thing really just…passes me by. My (lack of) photography skills are somewhat legendary in my family. “What? Melissa, put the camera down! SHARON WE NEED YOU!” So I’ve always been a bit in awe of good photographers and such, since I apparently need to learn humility in my life, have attracted a great many amazing ones into my life. But this—this I could do.

I just need to start going to more protests, I suppose.

Jo? Should the next Red Pen of Justice meeting step out of our editorial arena and bring justice to ridiculous protests? Me with the sign, you with the camera? Come on lady–you need an outlet for your viscious mocking powers….. I mean unless you want to go to NY and search our your own personal, um, satan.

(Random note: I just really really love seeing sides of people that don’t normally show…or that seem out of character? Or at least different from the image of them I’ve built in my  head. So last week I was reminded that Jo is a freaking badass. We were in the kitchen doing some mass cooking and since mass cooking HAS to be accompanied by red wine–we were fairly giddy. Anyways, we were ex-boyfriend bashing when all of sudden she’s like “Missy, do you want to see a picture of the girl I would fight to the death if we ever met on the street?” And it was awesome. Seriously–the girl looked like one of Satans minions…which kind of fits because she is a NYC lawyer. And Jo’s old roommate, which just goes to show that the quickest way to get to know someone/hate them is to be their roommate.)(CJ I love you!)

(I am sure that Jo would kick this girls scrawny ass all the way to um, somewhere.)

(I am not a bad ass. I have illusions/delusions/imaginations that, if I needed too, I would Happy Gilmore a wine bottle and have at it–but I think in actuality there would be vomiting. And possible faintness. For the most part, any anger I’ve actively expressed was a cover up for the shaking.)(Fuck, maybe I should take some more self-defense classes….)

Speaking of shaking. I am going to go to the open mic tonight.

By myself.

I don’t know where this comes from–because I am usually a really good public speaker and I was slamming in Phoenix and loved it. I don’t know why this is so freaking hard right now, but I am freaking intimidated by the crowd at the coffeeshop I’ve been going to. Most of them are really really really good–and I’m still a bit (ok, fine, a total) newbie.

I’m going to blame the ridiculous lights for my last performance….but yeah. I doubt that tonight will be much better.

I suppose the point is that I am a) doing it and b) learning (once again–WHEN WILL THIS LESSON BE OVER?) to not give a shit what people think about me. Because–really, I doubt anyone at the open mic cares all that much. They don’t know me. And they probably don’t have a huge emotional attachement to me or my poetry–so why I am freaking the fuck out? Because I kind of am.

Maybe I should bring a flask.

However, I could see that particular idea backfiring.

Spectacularly.

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