A post about dating

Posted on September 14, 2008. Filed under: Personal, Relationships | Tags: , , , |

So, I wanted to start this post off by whining about how I’ve never, actually been on a real date.

And then I remembered two lovely times (there were eggrolls and scones)—when I had. Been on dates, I mean.

Granted, I was still doing the whole “dating is the eighth deadliest sin” and still was trying to make myself believe that I was really on board with the whole “letting my parents (dad) PICK MY HUSBAND” thing.

Anyways–where was I? Oh yes. Having only been on two real dates… (that I can recall….if any of my spurned lovers want to remind me of ones I’ve missed–that’s fine.)

(Spurned? Who am I kidding? They’ve all dumped me……..Well. Other than this one guy–but again, we weren’t even really “dating”, so it doesn’t count. Although, he was the first one to send me a really long, angsty broken hearted letter, which, seeing as I sent many of those to the guys who’ve dumped me–it was an eye opening experience.)

I feel that I have missed a lot in the romance/men department.

Enter: PANIC! Because nothing says “romance” like four years of being in a committed relationship that has produced a three year old.

Sexy.

Well, to be fair–there’s pleny of sexy.

But, as I’ve heard it said before….”The whole point of having a girlfriend is effortless sex!”

Toss in someone to clean the house and wow, that sounds a lot like marriage.

And, ok—that’s not fair, because John is an incredible, wonderful partner. I could not ask for a more perfectforme person to be in a committed relationship with….to have chosen to built a family with.

But when the only person who’s given you roses in more than a year is your dear friend’s boyfriend as a thank you for having them over for (a slightly traumatizing vegetarian) dinner?

That’s a problem for me.

Also a problem? Trying to communicate that at 2:30 am after the Saturday night dinner party wine is still at the table. (more…)

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One of those communication posts

Posted on September 11, 2008. Filed under: Family, Personal, Relationships | Tags: , , |

John and I have been working out boundaries over the past few months.

I mean–obviously. Two whole human beings being in a relationship is kind of a recipe for conflict.

Anyways—I hate to sound all ooey and gooey (especially because I wanted to throttle him yesterday. And throw things. Or at the very least yell. A lot.)  but he’s pretty awesome.

No seriously.

I’ve never really been able to set very healthy boundaries. By the time the idea occurred to me that…Oh, what? I don’t have to let people treat me however they want too?…I was pretty far gone down the path of niceness, I guess, and I had a lot of rage and resentment built up, so a lot of the first boundaries I set involved….heat. Yelling. Abruptness. (“Hi, mom, I’m engaged. What’s that? Yes, yes, I know that you didn’t know I was dating this guy… Hmm…courtship? yeah, I kind of decided to not do that. What? I sent out a memo.) (more…)

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The other vacation post

Posted on September 8, 2008. Filed under: Family, Personal, Relationships | Tags: , , |

This trip had it’s great moments. Like when a bit of Sedona lodged itself in my belly. Lazing around the pool with CJ, John and Johanna. Seeing my child for the first time after a blissful 8 day break. Reconnecting with an old friend over a plastic tub of Washington cherries. The satisfied feeling of sated blood lust after I helped CJ slaughter 6 people during a bloody round of paintball.

This was my first vacation with just John since our” honeymoon” four years ago. 

There’s nothing like real life to destroy the pleasure of living.

Or maybe it’s parenting.

(I think it’s a good thing I’m putting David on the waiting list for Habibi’s Hutch.)

Either way–actually being with John without David (in some form) for more than 3 hours for the first time since 2 months after we got married was….eye opening. Reassuring.

We’ve had a difficult year and it was really good to be reminded that, oh yeah—when I’m not going crazy with this whole parenting thing–I really like being a part of this couple.

Because being a couple and parenting are similar too, oh, I don’t know, playing paintball vs. fighting a war.

Except that it’s guerrilla warfare.

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So I was in this wedding

Posted on August 28, 2008. Filed under: General Musings, Relationships | Tags: , , , |

(I wrote this blog while I was on vacation a few months ago… Bliss…)

So yes. I must keep this blog short, given that, *technically* I am on vacation (with a capitol V) right now.

But I just have rant/process/explain/vent/discuss the wedding I was just in.

First off–any regrets I had about eloping are 99.99999999999999% gone.

There were several lovely, beautiful moments at my friend’s wedding that I do regret not experiencing.

The dress, definitely.

Having all of my friends around me.

The champagne toasts.

But that’s it.

Becky–your wedding was lovely and gorgeous and I am so unbelievably happy for you.

But you couldn’t *pay* me to go through that again. And I wasn’t even the bride!

The dress was stupendously hot. I thought John was going to toss me over his shoulder and have his way out with me out in the bushes. Which, while the theory is very sexy, the dress was so uncomfortable that it probably wouldn’t have been much fun. 

Plus, it was raining.

Anyways. I know that I have been growing and changing as a person and that my belief systems has overgone a radical overhaul. I know that.

I just didn’t know how much until I has this electrifying, crystal clear vision of beating a pine tree with my bouquet during the wedding ceremony. (more…)

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